I'm back

The mini-vacation was great! We went to a friend’s beach house on Thursday and came back last night and we had a blast.
We went with 2 other couples and a total of 6 children, all under 4. It was tiring but the kids had so much fun, and it gave me an idea of what the logistics are with more than one child. Rosarinho shared a bedroom with two other kids which was also good because she needs to start getting used to sharing her bedroom. She liked it so much last night she was crying because she wanted to sleep with her friends!

Last Friday the ultrasound clinic called me because the technician my doctor likes will be on vacation when I was supposed to have my u/s. So I’ll have to wait 2 more weeks and I’ll go there on the 28th. I have to admit I was a bit upset about it. Not only because I was looking forward to seeing the baby again, and checking if the placenta has moved up, but also because this means 2 more weeks of restrained physical activity and no sex. My husband is going crazy and I have to say I’m not too happy about it either. It’s been 7 weeks, a woman has needs right?
The receptionist who called must have noticed I was upset because she asked “it doesn’t really matter right?”. Well, lady, it doesn’t matter to you but I was counting on waiting two more weeks and now it’s four more weeks. Sure it matters!

Anyway, I’ve been doing ok. I’m still having b-h contractions even with the magnesium and I know I have to rest more. But the baby is moving a lot and my belly is more visible every day, so all is well. 19 weeks on Friday, can you imagine that?!!

Appointment update

So I waited and waited and waited and 3 hours after the scheduled time I finally went in.
And then I was in there for about 5 minutes. When I grow up, I'm gonna be a doctor!

Anyway, I gained 4.5 lbs (half a pound less than what my scale says, but hers is the one that counts right?), my blood pressure is looking good at 95 / 57 and we heard the heartbeat.
I have been having braxton-hicks contractions for a few days now and I was kind of worried that it was too early for that. She told me to start taking magnesium sulfate but she wasn't worried about it, which made me feel better.

So I go back a month from now but before that I have an ultrasound at 21 weeks.

Tomorrow is a holiday here and we are taking Friday off and going to the beach with sme friends for 4 days. I'll not be able to post until Monday.

OB appointment in 2 hours

But considering how it usually goes, I may end up waiting the whole afternoon. Will update once I get back, probably really late.

And this is only the beginning

I had a not so pleasant conversation with my sister on Saturday. Apparently she thinks I've been having a very irresponsible attitude towards this pregnancy. She thinks I shouldn't have gone to the States and she thinks I'm crazy to even consider going to Brazil at 25 weeks. I asked her what the difference was between going to the beach here and going to the beach in Brazil. Because, you see, that is what I'll do in Brazil, go to the beach and rest. But she says all traveling is exhausting and I should just stay home.
Oh and, walking R to school and then walking to work everyday, and again at lunch time and after work!? I must be insane, that's about 1 hour a day!! Never mind that our OB thinks it's great exercise, I must be totally out of my mind!

I must say I wasn't expecting this kind of attitude from my sister. If she is this stressed out about pregnancy I can imagine how she'll be about the baby. I'm starting to wonder if it is such a good idea for us to spend our maternity leave together. Not that there's much I can do about it now.

I'm at 17 weeks and 3 days now and I'm finally showing. However, my maternity clothes (which I wore about 4 times) are still too big, there's clearly too much fabric and they make me look funny. So for now I'm still keeping pretty much with my regular clothes and bella band.
The baby is moving a lot lately and Zé Maria felt him last night. That is so reassuring, to know everyday that he's still alive.
Oh, and I gained 5 pounds already. And I gained all of that in past 3 weeks which means my OB is not going to be happy on Wednesday.

I've been googled

Every once in awhile I get visitors who found me through a search engine. Most of the time I'm perfectly fine with that but some of these searches canbe really strange.

For instance, . I have no idea what this person can possibly be looking for, but it doesn’t sound so good and they definitly did not find it here.
This one is just plain freaky and then there’s this one that could be just a poor choice of words or maybe one of those brat free wakos.

Some are not strange, just unusual.
To the person who found me through this, if you need any advice feel free to send me an email. You will love it here.
To the one who found me like this, I have no good ideas for you but I’m sure you’ll find something original enough.

Isn't it ironic?

A good friend of my sisters has had a hard time with infertility. She got married the year before I did and started trying right away. By the time I got pregnant with R she had been trying for one year and a half and it was pretty clear that she was getting desperate. My sister says she was devastated when she told her I was pregnant and I could see she looked at me different from that moment on. She had that sad look that most fertiles don’t even see. But I saw it and I never talked about my pregnancy with her and I never sent her pictures of R (my sister eventually did because she specifically asked her to) and I prayed that she would get pregnant.
She finally tried IVF and got pregnant with twins. I’m not sure if it was her first IVF and she never talked about it so we didn’t ask. I know she transferred 3 embryos and got pregnant with a boy and a girl, who were born last fall.

A few weeks ago she realized her period was missing and she took provera to force it to come. When it didn’t work she went in for an ultrasound and they found out she is pregnant again. I guess the thought of using birth control didn’t even cross her mind.
She’s scared of course, because the babies are so young, but at the same time, how can she not be happy and grateful? I can imagine the things that are going through her mind right now. Is she entitled to be even the least bit set aback by this news? Is she allowed to complain that this wasn’t the perfect timing? Of course she is, and it’s our place as friends to listen to her worries and complains and to celebrate when she’s ready.
But God can be one ironic *** can’t He?

Sex Education

So last night I met with my friends I was talking about yesterday.
Apparently he bought her a second hand laptop and she is going to have internet access, finally. I know it doesn’t begin to solve their problems but it will help her tremendously to at least keep in touch with her friends more often.

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This weekend there was a disturbing article in the newspaper that is causing a massive reaction. It’s an article about sex education in public schools. Apparently, a program has been approved and is currently being given to the children who are between 10 and 12 years old, which is, how can I put it?, less than appropriate in most people’s opinion.

This program instructs the teachers to ask the children (let me repeat, 10 to 12 year olds) to colour, in a drawing provided in the text book, the parts of their body where they enjoy being touched. The teachers are to explain what masturbation is, ask the children if they do it, if they like it, where they do it and who they do it with.
The program also suggests that the teachers ask the children to come up with as many synonyms for penis, vagina and intercourse as they can, even if they sound offensive and/or embarrassing (it actually says that in the text book) and to then write them in a poster and hang it in the classroom.
The teachers must tell the children about the several types of family (single parent, double parent, homosexual, etc), and the several types of intercourse (specifically vaginal, oral and anal).
Some teachers have refused to teach this program in their classes and they have been suspended for it. And of course, parents don’t even get a say in the matter.

Now, there are obviously several issues that I disagree with in this program. First of all, it is totally inappropriate for 10 year old children, it focuses on the least important sides of the matter and it completely ignores important subjects such as STDs and birth control.
But what bothers me the most is that the parents are not informed about this and they do not have the option to say they do not want their kids to have this program.

So today, my question is, do you think the State should be allowed to teach our children the things it wants to and the way it wants to, or are parents ultimately the ones responsible for their children’s education?

What would you do?

I have a good friend who is not happy and I wish I could do something for her but I’m not sure I should. Actually, I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t but I can’t help thinking about her all the time so I thought I would share it with you.

So here is some background.

She is 27 and married to this guy, who is also our very good friend, for 3 years now (in fact, 3 years tomorrow). They have a one year old boy. They live in a beautiful farmhouse, where they have animals and a big garden and everything she always wanted. She is a stay at home mom and he is farmer, he has several properties throughout the country and he basically runs them and makes tons of money (I mean TONS of money).

So where’s her problem you ask? The problem is he is an old fashion man. By that I mean she has no access to a bank account, he gives her an envelope with cash every month to run the house and for pocket money. She doesn’t have a computer, much less internet access, and their house is miles away from anywhere. Which means she is lonely, she has no contact with the outside world whatsoever, she complains she doesn’t have enough money to drive to Lisbon (20 minutes away) to meet her friends, to go shopping, to do anything. She spends her entire life at home, taking care of the baby and cleaning (she has no help whatsoever, even with that huge house). He expects her to have lunch and dinner on the table for him everyday and he never gives her anything and never takes her anywhere.
What makes me even more angry is that he has a last-generation computer and wide band internet access at his office (next door to their house, but she is not allowed to use it), he travels all the time to go hunting with his friends (and takes the dogs on the plane, but not her), he is rich for crying out loud! Oh and, he says he doesn’t want any more children, even though she would love to have at least one more.

I don’t think she complains to him, but she complains to us, her friends. She complains that she is lonely, that she would love to have internet access (is that so much to ask) so she could have an email, or IM her friends. She complains that she has never left the country (most of our friends travel a lot), that she never does anything, that she sometimes doesn’t even have enough money to buy a pair of shoes (the other day, her mother had to give her a pair she wanted). She doesn’t leave the house, she is practically his maid. And he never takes care of the kid so she can have some time for herself.

I usually tease him about it, I say he’s cheap and that he should give her a computer, that he doesn’t know how to take care of his own son and stuff like that. I do it in a joking tone but I can’t help getting mad at him sometimes. But he is our friend too, and I’m sure that if I were to confront him she would take his side and I would come out of it as the bitch who is interfering in other peoples lives. My husband and my friends tell to let it go and they’re probably right.

So, what would you do? Do you think I have the right to confront him or should I just keep my mouth shut?

Life as usual

We had a great weekend. We had 3 baptisms on Saturday and even though R was a real trooper and behaved as well as could be expected, she was pretty cranky by the end of the day and I felt I was about to collapse once we finally got home.

Then on Sunday she slept until 11.15 am, which was heaven really. I actually had to wake her up after I had a nice long shower and then we went out for a late breakfast and to walk the dog. We then went to my inlaws’ and spent the entire afternoon on the couch watching the first two episodes of the recent Star War trilogy, which started right after lunch and ended just before dinner. I had been longing for a day like that for a long time!

I have been feeling the baby move more and more each day. It’s such a great feeling and I am so much more relaxed. Almost 17 weeks now!

The things that still hurt me

Yesterday I went out for lunch with my Mom and my sister. We were talking about the pregnancies (seems to be the only topic these days) and we were commenting that my two cousins who got married in October are also planning on having children soon.
My Mom said she had been with one of them the other day and she said she had stopped taking birth control 2 months ago and was “doing everything” to get pregnant. I can only presume that “doing everything” means having sex at this stage. The expression kinda irritated me but I ignored it.
But then the conversation continued

Mom - “Poor XXX (cousin’s name)! You two (my sister and I) are the lucky ones!”

Me (failing to keep my mouth shut) – “Excuse me? How am I the lucky one?”

Mom - “Oh, come on, you have a child and you got pregnant so easily again”

Me (my blood was boiling by now) – “Easily? I lost a baby, I had a rare and serious condition that could’ve become cancerous, I had to wait for one year and you say it was easy?”

Mom – “Yeah but you got pregnant almost as soon as the doctor gave you the go ahead. And I’m tired of this conversation and you always playing the victim, you should be grateful for what you have and stop complaining”

This is when I wisely decided to keep my mouth shut before I say something I might regret.

But… come on, this just makes me so mad!! This girl has been married for 6 months, she is off BCP for 2 months and she gets the “poor girl” talk???
And me? Oh no, I should be grateful for what I have and I have absolutely no right not to feel terribly sorry for her.
I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, but I can’t understand that they think I’m horrible for not feeling sorry for this girl, and I can’t understand why they think I should forget about what happened already and just admit how lucky I am.
And this coming from someone (my Mom) who struggled with infertility for 7 years!

Belly pictures

Ok, you asked for it, so here it is. Pictures of my practically non-existing belly.



These were taken this morning and my belly does get slightly bigger by the end of the day. But anyway, there isn't much to see yet.

The big news is, I felt the baby last night! After I put R to bed I layed on the couch watching TV and I felt him move 3 or 4 times. There's no doubt it was the baby this time.
I only felt R move at around 19 weeks so I felt her much higher, close to the navel. This time I'm feeling the baby move way down there, just above the pubic bone. Which makes it harder to identify and impossible for Zé Maria to feel it from the outside. But it's definitly him!

Life's good ain't it?

Remember when I said I had 2 baptisms next Saturday? Well, make that 3. That’s right, 3! One at 12.15pm, one at 3.30 pm and one at 7.15 pm. That should be fun hun?
On Sundays when we leave the house in the morning R always asks where we’re going. I tell her we’re going to Mass and she usually asks “again?!” Now you can imagine what she’ll say on Saturday when we go to the church for the third time.

I work in Mergers and Acquisitions. Yesterday, my boss comes to me and tells me that someone from my husband’s company called him and told him things are not going so well with the company and they might have to close down. He wants us to look for a potential partnership/merger to try and save the company. The idea of my husband losing his job is too scary for me to even think about it, but let’s just say he will start looking for something, like, right now.
Oh, and I did share confidential information with my husband but, what the hell, it’s not like his telling anyone. I hope.

On a good note, we’re going to Brazil! That’s right, we are going to this resort for one week, with R, my parents, my aunt, my cousin and her daughter. We’re leaving on the 16th of July.
My aunt and my cousin are the best people to travel with. They’re funny, relaxed, interesting. And my cousin’s daughter, who’s 9, loves to take care of Rosarinho, which is going to be soooo good! I’m counting down the days already. I just hope that at 25 weeks I won’t be too heavy and uncomfortable to fully enjoy this last vacation before the baby comes.

All is well when it ends well

So my BIL’s Confirmation went well. I wore the red skirt with the flower pattern (no hat, J, sorry) and when I offered my seat to an old lady she told me she couldn’t accept because I was pregnant. This means that, despite Pedro’s requests, 1) my belly was pretty much noticeable and 2) I wore a “flashy” outfit. He wasn’t upset though, and didn’t even mention either of the facts.
I did, however, tell the bishop his name was Pedro instead of Pedro Maria, as my MIL had asked me to, which made him very, very happy. He hates to be called Pedro Maria so I was a good godmother and a cool SIL!

We went to the beach on Saturday. R is absolutely crazy about the beach and especially the water. She wouldn’t come out even though it was freezing and eventually I had to take her out because her lips had turned purple and her legs were shaking. Now we’ll have to listen to her begging to go to the beach every morning.

Then we had a wedding and R stayed at my parents. I wore a non-pregnant dress that looked great when I left the house but as the evening advanced and my belly got increasingly bigger it became quite evident that the dress was not made for the occasion. Oh well…

I have to say here that I love the Bella Band! Even though my belly is now evidently prominent, I can still wear all my non-pregnant pants to work. I’m hoping to avoid my maternity clothes for a couple more weeks because I know how sick of them I will be by the time this baby is born.

14 year olds

This afternoon my youngest BIL his having his Confirmation and I'll be his godmother. I thought it was really sweet of him to ask me, since he could've asked any one of his 3 brothers and 5 sisters. He was 7 when I started dating his brother and our relationship wasn't always an easy one.

My MIL had her first 8 children within a period 10 years and then she had Pedro 7 years later. So, even though he has 8 siblings, he is almost like an only child and he feels somewhat isolated from his siblings, even though he adores them and admires them. All of his brothers and sisters have graduated from college and are very successful people today. Three are doctors, one is a judge, one is a lawyer, two are engineers and one is a nun with a Business Major. So you can imagine how much of a pressure that is on this kid. He is 14 now and terrified of what will happen if he doesn't succeed as the others did, even though everyone keeps telling him he doesn't have to compare himself to the others.

Zé Maria is his favorite brother and the one who always paid him more attention, played with him, took him camping, etc. So when we started dating, which coincided with him graduating and starting to work, he started spending less time at home, and consequently, less time with Pedro. Let's just say he didn't really like me that much at first. He started having trouble at school after our engagement and by the time we got married he was seeing a child psychiatrist. He was 10 when we got married and he cried the entire time.

Since then things have progressively improved. Sometimes I am the only person who treats him like an adult. He's 14 and he does not want to be treated like a child. I have gained his trust because I trusted him. Last year, when he was only 13, I started leaving R with him while Zé Maria and I went out for a drink (my IL's would be sleeping in the other room, but he still felt like he was given a big responsibility). We created a good, strong relationship and I was so flattered that he asked me to be his godmother today.

But let me tell you, 14 year olds can be complicated as hell! When I said I was pregnant he asked me if my belly would be noticeable at his Confirmation. I said probably not and he said good, because he would be embarrassed in front of his friends (!!!) Then last week he wanted to know what I would be wearing today. He asked me to please not wear anything with flowers, or too colorful, or anything that would draw too much attention! Apparently, he is really terrified that I might embarrass him, can you believe it!! He is too funny.
I will be wearing a red skirt with a flower pattern so let's hope he doesn't get mad!

The Kidney Saga - Part III

As you probably remember (or maybe not), my BIL needs a kidney transplant.

Here’s some background, in case you don’t remember:

- Out of 9 siblings, my husband and two of his sisters were found to be compatible
- A few weeks ago they told us Ana (one of my SIL’s) was the best match, though we didn’t quite understand why
- Then they ruled out Inês (my other SIL, the nun) because she has a high cholesterol and her kidneys are not 100%

So the new development is that they do think Ana is slightly better than Zé Maria but they are leaving it up to us to decide. They still have one more exam and then we’ll have to decide.
Ana is 25 and getting married next year, and she wants children soon. A major abdominal surgery is probably not the best thing for a person in her situation. In fact, there are some hospitals who wouldn’t even consider her as a possible donor. So, unless this last exam reveals something is wrong with Zé Maria, he will be the donor.

We will try to schedule the surgery before the summer so that he will be fully operational by the time the baby is born. I’m not sure what I’ll do meanwhile since I am not allowed to pick up R but I’m sure it will work out.

What I’m really worried about is my BIL. He’s only 30 and he has been on dialysis for 12 years now. He has had a transplant before, from a dead donor, and rejected it, which makes the chances of him rejecting this one much higher. His health is clearly deteriorating, even though the quality of dialysis (the filters, etc) has improved significantly in the past few years. But the fact is we don’t know how long he can live like this, or how his quality of life will be. So we really need this to work out.

I know I shouldn't complain but I still do

I'm getting a little anxious lately. It's nothing particular, just a bunch of... nothings.

I'm almost 15 weeks along and I'm not showing at all yet. In fact, I have only worn maternity clothes twice. I've worn my maternity jeans for the past two weekends because my regular jeans are uncomfortable, even though I could wear them if I wanted to. All my work clothes still fit just fine.
I've gained 2 lbs but I've been having lots of parties lately so the weight gain isn't necessarily pregnancy related.
I thought I was feeling some movement last week but it must have been gas because it stopped. I felt R for the first time at 19 weeks so I know it's probably normal that I'm not feeling this baby yet. But still, I'm just not.
And then, last Sunday, I did something really, really stupid. I asked my SIL to try and listen to the baby's heartbeat with her stethoscope. She told me the stethoscope is not the proper thing to use for this but we still tried, and we couldn't hear it. She says it's normal, and she wasn't really expecting to hear it, but still.... you see what I mean right?

I am seriously considering faking some weird symptom so I can go to the ER and have an ultrasound. Ok, I'm not seriously considering it but I kinda like the idea. Instead I'll have to wait until the 25th for my next appointment, where I'll hear the heartbeat with the doppler, hopefully. I'm hoping I'll start feeling movement before that. Tomorrow would be a good time.

I don't remember feeling this way with R. When my doctor told me the risk of miscarriage after 12 weeks was almost non-existent I actually believed her. I miss those days.

Two boys

My sister had an ultrasound this afternoon and it seems she is also having a boy. Both ultrasounds, mine and hers, were at 12 weeks so I know it's too early to be absolutely sure. However, there's a good chance that we are going to have two boys!

I'm happy about this for several reasons.
First because these two will obvisouly be good friends, they will grow up together and being of the same gender will help make that relationship even stronger.
But I'm also happy because R will be the princess for a while longer. She is an only child and an only grandchild and, to be honest, I'm worried about the impact that having a sibbling and a cousin at the same time will have in her life. If she is the only girl, she will still be special. I know she will always be special, no matter what, but I just feel better this way. Hopefully she will have a sister later on.

So today is a good day! Two healthy little boys are on the way!

Mother's Day Weekend

This weekend we went on a train ride through Tapada de Mafra, which is a beautiful reservation about an hour away from Lisbon. R loved it, of course, and we had a great time.
Then Sunday was Mother's Day and this morning the school prepared a breakfast for all the mom's. We did some activities with the kids (colouring and colages) and in the end R gave me a small lavander heart-shaped bag she painted herself. It was so sweet, I nearly cried. But I blame it on the pregnancy hormones.

Here are some pictures of the train ride and the animals.