I know I shouldn't complain but I still do

I'm getting a little anxious lately. It's nothing particular, just a bunch of... nothings.

I'm almost 15 weeks along and I'm not showing at all yet. In fact, I have only worn maternity clothes twice. I've worn my maternity jeans for the past two weekends because my regular jeans are uncomfortable, even though I could wear them if I wanted to. All my work clothes still fit just fine.
I've gained 2 lbs but I've been having lots of parties lately so the weight gain isn't necessarily pregnancy related.
I thought I was feeling some movement last week but it must have been gas because it stopped. I felt R for the first time at 19 weeks so I know it's probably normal that I'm not feeling this baby yet. But still, I'm just not.
And then, last Sunday, I did something really, really stupid. I asked my SIL to try and listen to the baby's heartbeat with her stethoscope. She told me the stethoscope is not the proper thing to use for this but we still tried, and we couldn't hear it. She says it's normal, and she wasn't really expecting to hear it, but still.... you see what I mean right?

I am seriously considering faking some weird symptom so I can go to the ER and have an ultrasound. Ok, I'm not seriously considering it but I kinda like the idea. Instead I'll have to wait until the 25th for my next appointment, where I'll hear the heartbeat with the doppler, hopefully. I'm hoping I'll start feeling movement before that. Tomorrow would be a good time.

I don't remember feeling this way with R. When my doctor told me the risk of miscarriage after 12 weeks was almost non-existent I actually believed her. I miss those days.