Lisbon Mama

A portuguese mom parenting two

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

When it rains...


So yesterday I was just finishing dinner and my church calls asking me if I could have 2 more pilgrims stay at my house. Apparently someone forgot them and when they arrived, at 10 pm, they had nowhere to go. So now we have a boy and a girl from Macedonia staying with us, in addition to the kids from Poland.

Then a few minutes later my boss calls asking me to come to work today. So my day started with a meeting over breakfast in one of best hotels in the city and it will hopefully end with a signed contract and a big bonus... Ok, so the bonus part is wishful thinking.

Then this morning I called my husband, who is still on vacation, and he tells me R woke up with fluid coming out of her ear. He called the doctor and she said this is the end of an ear infection. She was surprised that R went through an ear infection without so much as a light fever or even a little crankiness. That's my girl! We will have to be extra careful for a few days and make sure she isn't out in the cold but it seems that the worse is over.

So I will hopefully resume my vacation in a couple of hours. Hopefully.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

A quick update


Christmas was crazy as usual, even crazier with a 2 year-old who got over excited with all the presents and the food. She got an obscene amount of gifts but we were able to keep some unopened and we are going to give them to the church. She kept singing happy birthday to Jesus which was cute.

The pilgrims are here. We ended up having 2 kids, a boy and a girl, from Poland staying with us. They seem nice and the girl speaks a little english so we are able to comunicate on a basic level. They will stay with us until the 1st of January.

We are on vacation until the 2nd of January. With the pilgrims staying with us we have to get up at 8 am everyday to give them breakfast before they leave for their activities. But it still feels great to be on vacation and I am taking a much needed break from my boss and my clients.

That's about it. I will resume my daily posts once I am back at work.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Soul searching


Today is not a good day. I'm in a middle of a big fight with my boss that may not end in the best way. I like him, I really like my job and I have found an acceptable balance between work and family.
I have been putting in some extra effort (and hours) for the past few weeks because it's the end of the year and I know he is under addicional stress. I have not picked up R from daycare in over 2 weeks. Yesterday he evaluated me and lets just say it wasn't what I expected. I talked to him and he is reviewing it. We'll see how this ends.
Today R's daycare is closed so she stayed home with the housekeeper. When I left this morning she said "Mommy, don't work" and my heart sank. I have not been spending any time with her, her birthday has come and gone and I feel I haven't celebrated it as I should have and now Christmas is here and I have not one single present for her yet. I start to wonder if it's worth it and I know the answer.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

He's compatible.


Out of the 6 of them who took the tests, my husband and two of his sisters (the doctor and the nun) came out as 100% compatible. Now they will go through a ton of exams to assess if they are healthy enough that donating will not be a higher risk than it already is.
If the 3 of them are deemed healthy enough I'm not sure if the decision of who will donate is up to them or the doctors. If it is up to them (or should I say us, I do get a say don't I?) then probably my husband will be the donor.

I asked him if he is sure he wants to go through with it and he said "you don't think about these things, you just do what has to be done". What a wonderful person my man is.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Happy Birthday Baby


Yesterday was R's second birthday. I know it sounds like a cliche but time really flies and I can't believe my baby girl is already two! She was so excited about her birthday she sang Happy Birthday non stop for the entire weekend (the slighlty corny portuguese version of it).

We had a party at our house with 15 kids and 30 adults. There was plenty of food and tons of presents and the kids thought it would be nice to colour my carpet with crayons. Next year the party is gonna be in the kitchen. Overall it was a good day and we can prepare for Christmas now.

On the TTC front things didn't go well once again. My temp is down and I'm spotting since last night so AF should be here sometime today. I swore I wouldn't let it ruin my day yesterday and it didn't, but I still ended up crying myself to sleep. I just never thought R would be 2 and still have no siblings. I know I'm horribly ungrateful but I just can't help feeling like a failure. At least this gives me time to get back on my feet before Christmas and prepare to face all my pregnant cousins and newborns.

On to round 4.

Friday, December 17, 2004

My family


I have often spoken about my husband's family but never about mine. Granted, I don't have 8 siblings and my parent's house is not a nut house but still they deserve a few words.
My Mom was (is?) infertile. Being infertile is not something you stop being once you sucessfully concieve a child. It marks you, it defines you for the rest of your life. Maybe this is why being infertile (which I am most definitely not, having been pregnant twice in 3 years) was always my biggest fear. Anyway, after 7 years of trying to concieve my Mom misteriously got pregnant and when she was 8 months along the doctor informed her she was having twins. My sister and I were born the next day. My Mom never got pregnant again.

My Mom (with me in the picture) is the most beautiful woman I have ever met and I find it profoundly unfair that I did not inherit her beauty. This is a picture of the 3 of us 24 years ago. What else can I say about her? I wish I could be half as good a mother to R as she was to us and I can only hope that R will love me half as much as I love her.

My sister and I have always been best friends, and we still are. Having a twin sister has been the biggest blessing I had in my life and has defined me as a person. We share a kind of love no one else can understand. This is why I wish I could have given R a sister closer in age.

Then there's my Dad. This is a picture of him and R a few days after she was born . He is the kindest man ever and R is absolutely in love with him. There is no one in the world she loves better then him.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Sorte Nula


Yesterday we went out with my best friend and her husband. Both kids (ours and theirs) stayed with the grandparents.
It has been so long since we went out with only adults I had forgotten how good it his, how much fun it is. We really should do this more often, and we always promise we will.

This is one of the reasons I would like to have all my kids close in age. So that we could enjoy these wonderful times with all of them together but also be done with the bad part of it (yes, there is a bad part to it). I used to say I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30, back when I was still convinced I could plan everything. I am a planner you know, I like to think I know exactly what my life is going to be like in 5 years. But I don't. I would have had a small baby now if things went according to plan.

Anyway, I digress. We went to see this movie and then we had a drink at a pub close by. The movie was really good, v. v. funny. I really don't understand why the porties (I stole this one too hehe) don't like portuguese movies. Actually, it's not that they don't like them, they don't even watch them, they just assume they are bad and prefer to watch shitty movies, as long as their american. Don't get me wrong, I love good american movies, but I also love good portuguese movies and this one was really good.

Tonight I have my office's Christmas Party. That should be fun.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Can I go to bed yet?


It's only 3 pm and I'm dying to go back to bed already.

Today is R's Christmas party at the daycare and she had to wear light blue tights. Of course, the only ones she has had a whole in them when she put them on this morning. So I had to go to the store and buy a new pair and bring them to the daycare at lunch time.

Then I tried to go to the doctor (also at lunch time) because my hands are numb and they have been numb for over a month and it is going all the way up to my elbow now. But of course the doctor could only see me in January, or if I want I can wait the whole fucking day for her to have a spare couple of minutes to see me. So I will have to go back after Christmas, during my vacation, when I can actually spend the entire day there waiting.

Then I had to go to the employment center to get a paper that says I am interested in hiring a foreign citizen to work as a housekeeper for me. I am trying to bring my housekeeper's sister from Cabo Verde where she can't find a job and in order to do so I have to lie and tell them (who is them? the government I guess) that I am going to hire her, which I have no intention of doing... but we will think about that once she gets here. So now I have a paper that says I have declared my intentions to the employment center, which I now have to deliver in some government agency who will give me yet another paper which I will then deliver to the immigration services which will then give me a paper to send to the portuguese embassy in Cabo Verde allowing them to give the girl a work visa. This will probably take a lifetime... can you say nightmare??

I have a meeting in 15 minutes and then I have to run to R's Christmas party so she isn't the only poor kid whose parents are not there. Don't the other mothers do anything? They are always there on time, they don't mind spending hours talking to the teacher every morning and they look so dam relaxed. I, on the other hand, look like a stressed out crazy woman.

Oh and then there's my bil's birthday dinner party this evenning, with all 14 of us and R will get all excited and will take hours to go to sleep once we finally. do. get. home.

Monday, December 13, 2004

It's almost January. Please!


The last quarter of the year is a complicated time for us.
Between September and December we have the birthdays of 7 of my husband's siblings, my Mom's birthday, my sister's birthday, my birthday, my husband's birthday, R's birthday, our anniversary, my parent's anniversary, my in-law's anniversary and my MIL's birthday. Oh and then there's Christmas and New Year of course.
So basicly by January 2nd we are usually fat, broke and exausted.
Everytime we go to my inlaw's now R stars singing happy birthday and yelling party. Last Friday my youngest SIL turned 20 and tomorrow my youngest BIL turns 14. Then on Sunday R turns 2 and we are having a party at our house. With children. And food. And baloons. And cake.

This year, to make things even more exciting, we are going to have 4 pilgrims of trust staying with us from December 28th until January 1st. Which means I am going to have 4 young strangers (please God, let them at least speak english) having breakfast, showering (they better shower) and sleeping at our house for 5 days. Plus lunch on New Year's day.
What was I thinking when I volunteered? Remind me to beat myself to death when this is all over please. That is if I make it to January.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Random stuff


Chocolates I had so far today: 3 (but they are miniatures)

Temp: up again so yes, I did ovulate on wednesday

Finished my Christmas shopping, which is v. good, as Tertia would say

Got a call from R's daycare asking me to bring underwear cause she peed her pants. That's my girl, no accidents for 3 mths and when I stop carrying spare clothes everywhere she pees her pants.

Chocolates I had so far today (updated after lunch): 4

Cups of coffee I had so far today: 3 (have to cut down on coffee cause I might be pg)

Today my younger SIL turns 20. So we are going there for dinner. A quiet family dinner just for the 14 of us, her direct family. Great hun?

Thursday, December 09, 2004

At least I have plenty of chocolate


So my dear boss is finally back from Italy and brought me this Image Hosted by ImageShack.us .
Isn't that sweet of him? He totally disregards my efforts to lose weight before I get pregnant (probably because he doesn't want me to get pregnant) and buys me 825g of chocolate (thats almost 2 pounds for those of you not yet familiar with the metric measures). Maybe he is trying to compensate for all the times he called from Italy to bug me. Or maybe he is secretly in love with me.

I hope he doesn't read this cause then I might get fired because of my blog. Now that would be just great.

If you don't want to hear about it go away!


Today my temp went up, so I probably ovulated yesterday. I will be sure tomorrow. So the obsessing begins again.
I absolutely hate these two weeks. I don't smoke, I drink less coffee, I dont' drink alcohol (not that usually do but I always feel like it when I can't, I wonder why?). I will be pretty cranky I tell you.
I keep thinking I may be pregnant, I can't help calculating when I would be due if I was pregnant and I start counting down the days to my test date. Oh and my skin slowly starts getting worse until it absolutely bursts right before I get my period.
It's lovely really. And this month it should be even better since my period should come right on Christmas Eve.
So it's back to the neurotic and depressing posts and to the talk about charts, temps and stuff like that. If you don't want to read I totally understand, just go away.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

No wonder I am stressed, and skinny.


Yesterday I had to take R to the ped to see if she is all better and can go back to school.

This child has been crying every day because she wants to go to school. On Saturday I told her she wouldn't have to stay with the nanny, because Mommy and Daddy were staying with her, and she still wanted to go to school, and the same on Sunday. Are we such boring parents that our child would rather go to school than stay with us? It's rather depressing actually, but alas, children are expected to be ungrateful.

Anyway, back to the ped. Se told me to be there a little before 3 pm so she would just check her before she started her appointments at 3. I was there at 2.50 pm and the nurse tells me I will have to wait because there are 3 newborns that get seen first and then 3 or 4 other children before us. I tell her the doc told me to be there a little before 3pm and she says "well, she says that to everyone".
Now I'm really getting mad because I have tons of things to do at work and I just cannot waste the entire afternoon. I tell the nurse I am leaving and coming back at around 7.pm and she proceeds to say "well, do as you want but it will probably be worse by then". Well, whatever but right now I have to go back to work.
So I went back at 7 pm, waited and waited and we finally got in at 8.30 pm. By then R was hungry, tired and cranky but when the doctor said she could go back to school she was all happy again.
Why do doctors have to be like this? I hate going to the doctor, I hate hate hate waiting.

Anyway, R is all better and was thrilled when I dropped her off at school this morning. And I have been trying to write this for over an hour because my dahling boss is calling me from Italy every 5 minutes. He must be secretly in love with me or something. Tomorow is a holiday, thank God!

Friday, December 03, 2004

Isn't she beautiful?


I just had to share this picture


What I lost

A friend wrote something in her blog today that had me thinking about stuff.

With the molar pregnancy I lost something more than a baby, I lost more than a year of my plans, I lost the chance of having a "normal" pregnancy again. I know I am lucky to have had one, but that only makes me even more sad because I know what I will be missing.

When I learned I was pg with R I was in New York. My hubby and I were histerical, we called everyone the same day, we sent text messages to all our friends and we went shopping and brought home tons of stuff for the baby. All of this without even a beta count!

Now, when I finally get the two lines I have been longing for I will not run to celebrate with my husband, I will not call my family to give them the good news, I will not send text messages to all my friends and will not start buying stuff for the baby the same day.

This time, when (if?) I finally do get the two lines I will not know if it's a baby or cancer. The mole can still re-grow after 11 months. It's not common but it happens. If it does, I will have to have another D&C, chemo, maybe even a histerectomy. So how can I be happy? How can I tell anyone until I am sure? How can I celebrate? When will I relax?

This is what I lost along with the baby when I started bleeding on February 9 th, 2004.

It's where I spend most of my days

R is doing much better now and I am back to work.
Have a mentioned my job before? I work in the Mergers and Acquisitons department of an Investment Bank. The title that shows up in my business cards is Assistant Manager (ou Assistente de Direcção nos cartões em português). But I basicly do the same thing I did when my title was Analyst. I do make more money now though.
I like my job, really. I love the thrill of actually completing a transaction, which only happens about 3 or 4 times a year. I also like it that I get to know several companies in depth and that each project is diferent. I love my boss and I go along pretty well with everyone else in my office.
But the best part of it is that I walk to work every morning, after walking R to daycare, and I get to go home for lunch whenever I don't have other plans. Since walking is the only exercise I do this is a major pro of this job.
Most of the time I can leave at 6.30 pm, but occasionally I have to work real long hours and even work on weekends but overall I am pretty lucky I guess. And the way this country is going I should be counting my blessings.