Shopping therapy

Yesterday was football night and it was also my SIL’s boyfriend’s birthday and they went out for dinner so I was home alone with the kids. I was so tired and my neck was so sore (I really have to see what this pain is) I was practically in tears. R came to me, put her head on my lap and told me “Mommy, please don’t make that face”. I swear my heart missed a beat. I have no right to make my 3 year old child be worried about me. She said she wanted to sit with me on the couch and see a book with pictures of animals, so I sat with her and we saw the pictures. Then I put M to bed and we baked a cake together, which is her favourite thing in the world.

M slept a lot better tonight so I’m feeling less tired and my neck is almost normal, after tons of meds. I’m going to have lunch with my sister and we’re going shopping. I usually have lunch with ZM and the kids but today I told him I needed to buy my Mom’s birthday present (which is true) and so I would have lunch with my sister.

Tomorrow I have a meeting in Porto, which is a two-hour drive each way. I’m going with my boss who for some reason has been in a foul mood lately so that should be fun.

Lack of sleep and marital problems

It’s amazing the impact that lack of sleep can have in one’s life. Manel has not been sleeping well lately, maybe because he’s teething, or too excited about his new found walking skills (he’s taking 3 or 4 steps unassisted), or going through a growth spurt. Whatever the reason is, it’s taking a toll on me and, what’s most scary, on our marriage.

Now, I know I always brag about how a great husband and father ZM is, and he really is. But there is this one thing about him that can drive me crazy at a time like this. He. Will. Not. Wake. Up. when the kids cry at night. No matter how often I call him and tell him I’m tired and need him to go there just this once, he just does not get up. Granted M doesn’t really cry, he just groans and turns until I give him his binkie and he never really wakes up. But that’s enough to keep me awake so I can’t just ignore him.
How does he do it when I’m away on business? I don’t know really. He says M always sleeps through the night when I’m not there, but I think he just doesn’t hear him.

I know this is not ZM’s fault and there’s nothing he can do about it (even if he takes M with him to another part of the house, I still can’t sleep unless there’s absolute silence). But what makes me angry at him is that during the evenings and on weekends, there are always times at which I take both kids so that he can do his stuff (computer time, naps, football, whatever) and yet he never ever remembers that I may want some time for myself as well. When I’m not sleep deprived it isn’t really an issue because I don’t mind spending the whole weekend with the kids, but when I’m this tired, I really long for just a couple of hours on my own, to take a long bath with a book and a glass of wine or even, who knows, to take a much needed nap.

This morning I lost it and threw it in his face that he had taken a 2 hour nap yesterday, and spent 3 hours on the computer, and is going to play football this evening, and yet I can’t remember when the last time was that I had half an hour for myself. To which he said that I went out to buy diapers all by myself Saturday night!! Can you believe the nerve?! I nearly lost it. He then tried to make amends and told me I just had to ask and he would take the kids whenever I wanted. But I didn’t want to have to ask, I wanted him to acknowledge how tired I am (which I feel he really doesn’t) and do something because he’s worried about me, not because I ask him to.

About work and something bothering me

Sorry no updates lately. Have I mentioned how cyclical my job is? There are days when I can spend hours not doing anything remotely work related, surfing the net, checking message boards, etc, and then there are days, like this week, when I don’t even have time to go to the bathroom except when my bladder feels like it’s really going to explode, and then I run from my desk to the bathroom and back so I don’t fail my next deadline by too much. That’s why I haven’t been posting lately.
This rollercoaster becomes really hard to manage because you just never know what your day will end up being like. Especially when you have a boss who tells clients they will get a presentation the next morning and then tells you to do it. I actually like my new boss much much better than the old one, but no boss is ever perfect right? It comes with the job to be an asshole every once in a while.

Having my SIL stay with us for the past two weeks has been really good. Not only do I not have to stress about being home at 7 but my evenings are also much better, since R wants SIL to play with her, brush her teeth and put her to bed. So I have actually been able to sit on the couch and read some (sometimes I forget how much I love to read).

Question for you. Do you consider flirting to be betraying? As in, if you flirt with someone, do you feel like you’re betraying your husband/wife/significant other?

Picture Time

I realize it’s been a while since I last posted pictures of the kids. We took a few during the summer so here they are.

Living the good life

This year, my housekeeper/nanny decided to take a whole month of vacation in August. When she told us this back in May we just assumed we would easily find someone to stay at home with M and R would go back to school (her school is open 12 months a year). But as August came closer we realized we had no one to stay with him and no clue on where to hire someone. We started to panic.

Then a couple of weeks ago my younger SIL asked if I knew of a Summer job she could take during the last 3 weeks of August, because she has no exams in September this year and she could use the extra money. I couldn’t believe my luck. I told her I needed someone to take care of Manel until September 1st and would pay her the same as I would pay a hired nanny (to which she immediately said she would do it for free, but of course I couldn’t accept that and I’ll pay her the fair amount). I told her she would have to be at my house a little before 9am and I would be home at 7pm to take over.
A couple of days later she says she has something to ask me. She says she would prefer to move in with us during those 3 weeks, so she doesn’t have to wake up so early. And she would also prefer to keep both R and M at home because she thinks R should have more than 2 weeks off school and it’s actually more fun with her than just M (which I totally agree).

So now we’ve had a live-in nanny for a week. And I’m loving it. I come home from work and I don’t have to do everything myself, she is always willing to help with bath-time and dinner and bedtime. We even went out for dinner on Wednesday and didn’t have to worry about being home at a specific time. After this, I can understand why most of my friends are hiring live-in housekeepers.

Last night my older SIL (the one who’s getting married) called to ask us (me and younger SIL) if she could leave my niece at my house for 3 days next week. The kid has been staying with her father but she wants to come back to Lisbon and my SIL has nowhere to leave her during the day. So she wants to drop her off before she goes to work and pick her up in the afternoon. Of course I said yes (and so did SIL) because we don’t want the poor kid to be left alone in an apartment with dh’s grandmother for 3 days (which is the alternative). But it really pisses me off that she didn’t even say anything about splitting expenses (she’ll be having all her meals at my house, SIL is driving my car, I’m leaving money for zoo tickets, snacks and stuff, etc) and she always gets what she wants. She even took the opportunity to complain a little more about my MIL and how unfair it is that she will only have 90 guests at her wedding. Ugh!

The Wedding - Season 2, Episode IV

You can imagine what the most discussed subject was during this vacation with the in-laws of course.
The Wedding was rescheduled for the 21st of October, which gives us one more week to prepare. And surprisingly enough, almost everything has been already settled. My Mom and my MIL finally found a good place for the reception (which my Mom says is better than the place of the previous wedding reception). They have a very acceptable price, but the number of guests will still have to be limited because my MIL had to ask my younger BIL for an advance to pay for the reception and he only has 5,000 euros.

My SIL’s attitude has changed for the worse and whatever sympathy I had for her situation is practically gone. She keeps complaining that the budget my MIL is giving her is half that of my other SIL, and yet she keeps forgetting that she announced her wedding a couple of weeks after the other wedding, with a 3 months notice. She also forgets that my MIL pays for her therapy, her daughter’s school, her groceries… Honestly, she is absolutely the most self-centred person I have ever known.
She is also still insisting on new dresses for the flower girls, and of course she’s always complaining that she has to pay for them herself (which my other SIL did too, but that means nothing to her, because she’s always the eternal victim). Zé Maria wanted to tell her we would not allow R to have a new dress, whether she paid for it or not, but I think I talked him out of it. I do see his point though.

What I haven’t been able to do yet is convince my MIL to buy a new outfit for this wedding. She is dead set on wearing the same outfit she wore to my wedding, 5 years ago. She says that if she has to ask BIL for money to pay for the reception, she will not spend money on a new outfit she doesn’t need. And I don’t think she will change her mind. The rest of the SILs haven’t decided what they’ll wear yet, but I’ll let you guys know when I have news.

FIL is still refusing to meet P until SIL moves back home, which is scheduled for the 30th of September. On that day, there will be an engagement dinner at my in-laws. That will be fun, and I’m sure it will warrant a good post on this blog. This situation caused some awkward moments, as SIL and P were spending the weekends at P’s beach house, which is on the same beach as the in-laws’. I can’t wait for this to be over.

Ok, I think that’s it for now. More later.

So, did you miss me?

That’s right, vacation is over. Tomorrow is a holiday and Zé Maria took the day off today and is still at the beach house with the kids. I’m going back there after work and will spend one last day at the beach tomorrow. So that makes the transition from vacation-mode to work-mode a bit less drastic.
It’s funny how two weeks can simultaneously fly by and feel like an eternity. We had a good time, the weather was perfect and the kids behaved beautifully (well, not always, but I prefer to forget the not so good episodes). And surprisingly enough (remember, 17 people in the same house) I got some rest, both physically and psychologically.
The Family, as I’ve said before, is a constant source of entertainment, what with all of us having to juggle so that FIL doesn’t meet SIL and her fiancé while going to the same beach but staying a few meters apart and stuff like that. But once you get into the rhythm of it all, it’s actually fun. And there’s always someone willing (and wanting) to feed the kids, give them a bath, take them for a swim, etc. No one offered to take M when he woke up at 7.30 am once again, though. But hubby and I took turns taking him out of the house while the other slept in with R until 10.30. Overall, it was a very good vacation.

I’m sure some of the funniest episodes will come to mind in the next couple of days and I’ll write about them. For now, I have to check my million emails and get this show running again.