What I lost
A friend wrote something in her blog today that had me thinking about stuff.
With the molar pregnancy I lost something more than a baby, I lost more than a year of my plans, I lost the chance of having a "normal" pregnancy again. I know I am lucky to have had one, but that only makes me even more sad because I know what I will be missing.
When I learned I was pg with R I was in New York. My hubby and I were histerical, we called everyone the same day, we sent text messages to all our friends and we went shopping and brought home tons of stuff for the baby. All of this without even a beta count!
Now, when I finally get the two lines I have been longing for I will not run to celebrate with my husband, I will not call my family to give them the good news, I will not send text messages to all my friends and will not start buying stuff for the baby the same day.
This time, when (if?) I finally do get the two lines I will not know if it's a baby or cancer. The mole can still re-grow after 11 months. It's not common but it happens. If it does, I will have to have another D&C, chemo, maybe even a histerectomy. So how can I be happy? How can I tell anyone until I am sure? How can I celebrate? When will I relax?
This is what I lost along with the baby when I started bleeding on February 9 th, 2004.
With the molar pregnancy I lost something more than a baby, I lost more than a year of my plans, I lost the chance of having a "normal" pregnancy again. I know I am lucky to have had one, but that only makes me even more sad because I know what I will be missing.
When I learned I was pg with R I was in New York. My hubby and I were histerical, we called everyone the same day, we sent text messages to all our friends and we went shopping and brought home tons of stuff for the baby. All of this without even a beta count!
Now, when I finally get the two lines I have been longing for I will not run to celebrate with my husband, I will not call my family to give them the good news, I will not send text messages to all my friends and will not start buying stuff for the baby the same day.
This time, when (if?) I finally do get the two lines I will not know if it's a baby or cancer. The mole can still re-grow after 11 months. It's not common but it happens. If it does, I will have to have another D&C, chemo, maybe even a histerectomy. So how can I be happy? How can I tell anyone until I am sure? How can I celebrate? When will I relax?
This is what I lost along with the baby when I started bleeding on February 9 th, 2004.
posted by Ana @ 1:45 PM
3 Comments:
At 12:47 PM,
Lioness said…
Don't know what to tell you, just that we'll be here. And that you can say what you want, shout, scream, be a total bitch, you've sadly earned the right, we'll be listening. And rooting for you.
At 3:01 PM,
Ana said…
No need to say anything, your post was plenty. Thanks.
At 6:12 PM,
Ana said…
Thanks Michelle, I know I can always count on you!
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