Lack of sleep and marital problems

It’s amazing the impact that lack of sleep can have in one’s life. Manel has not been sleeping well lately, maybe because he’s teething, or too excited about his new found walking skills (he’s taking 3 or 4 steps unassisted), or going through a growth spurt. Whatever the reason is, it’s taking a toll on me and, what’s most scary, on our marriage.

Now, I know I always brag about how a great husband and father ZM is, and he really is. But there is this one thing about him that can drive me crazy at a time like this. He. Will. Not. Wake. Up. when the kids cry at night. No matter how often I call him and tell him I’m tired and need him to go there just this once, he just does not get up. Granted M doesn’t really cry, he just groans and turns until I give him his binkie and he never really wakes up. But that’s enough to keep me awake so I can’t just ignore him.
How does he do it when I’m away on business? I don’t know really. He says M always sleeps through the night when I’m not there, but I think he just doesn’t hear him.

I know this is not ZM’s fault and there’s nothing he can do about it (even if he takes M with him to another part of the house, I still can’t sleep unless there’s absolute silence). But what makes me angry at him is that during the evenings and on weekends, there are always times at which I take both kids so that he can do his stuff (computer time, naps, football, whatever) and yet he never ever remembers that I may want some time for myself as well. When I’m not sleep deprived it isn’t really an issue because I don’t mind spending the whole weekend with the kids, but when I’m this tired, I really long for just a couple of hours on my own, to take a long bath with a book and a glass of wine or even, who knows, to take a much needed nap.

This morning I lost it and threw it in his face that he had taken a 2 hour nap yesterday, and spent 3 hours on the computer, and is going to play football this evening, and yet I can’t remember when the last time was that I had half an hour for myself. To which he said that I went out to buy diapers all by myself Saturday night!! Can you believe the nerve?! I nearly lost it. He then tried to make amends and told me I just had to ask and he would take the kids whenever I wanted. But I didn’t want to have to ask, I wanted him to acknowledge how tired I am (which I feel he really doesn’t) and do something because he’s worried about me, not because I ask him to.