Tough decisions
aaa
You remember my BIL needs a kidney transplant right? All my 5 SILs, my husband and my other BIL took the compatibility tests and it was narrowed down to 3 of them, my DH and two SILs. These 3 are 100% compatible and any of them could be the donor.
They have been doing tons of exams to see if they are totally healthy in order to decide who is going to be the donor. Everything has come back ok. And now it's time to make a decision. The doctors will probably let us choose, since they are all healthy and all compatible.
One of my SILs who is compatible is a doctor. Which means she is more exposed to infections and viruses than normal people. She is also 25 and single and she wants to get married and have children. Having a scar all the way from her chest to her pubic bone is probably not ideal for future pregnancies. Or for finding a husband, according to my chauvinistic husband.
My other SIL is a nun. She is 23 and healthy, and she doesn't need to find a husband. She also doesn't have a family to look after. But she does have a high cholesterol, which we're not sure if it's gonna be a problem yet.
Then there's my husband. He does have a family to look after and he likes rough sports, which are more risky when you only have one kidney. Other than that he's the perfect candidate.
All of these pros and cons are being weighted by all of us. My MIL and FIL are torn because they will have two of their children on the line and they prefer not to give they opinion. I totally understand them. My BIL who is receiving the kidney is also not giving his opinion, for obvious reasons.
Personally, I would prefer if my husband wouldn't be the donor, for selfish reasons. This transplant will probably take place before this child is born or immediately after. The donor will have to be in recovery for a month, which means not working, not doing heavy tasks, etc. And I will need his help with R and the new baby.
And to be totally honest, I am absolutely terrified that something might happen to him. I am not even admitting that possibility to myself most of the time but the fact is I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to him.
He asked me just the other day if I was ok with him being the donor. And I said yes, of course.
You remember my BIL needs a kidney transplant right? All my 5 SILs, my husband and my other BIL took the compatibility tests and it was narrowed down to 3 of them, my DH and two SILs. These 3 are 100% compatible and any of them could be the donor.
They have been doing tons of exams to see if they are totally healthy in order to decide who is going to be the donor. Everything has come back ok. And now it's time to make a decision. The doctors will probably let us choose, since they are all healthy and all compatible.
One of my SILs who is compatible is a doctor. Which means she is more exposed to infections and viruses than normal people. She is also 25 and single and she wants to get married and have children. Having a scar all the way from her chest to her pubic bone is probably not ideal for future pregnancies. Or for finding a husband, according to my chauvinistic husband.
My other SIL is a nun. She is 23 and healthy, and she doesn't need to find a husband. She also doesn't have a family to look after. But she does have a high cholesterol, which we're not sure if it's gonna be a problem yet.
Then there's my husband. He does have a family to look after and he likes rough sports, which are more risky when you only have one kidney. Other than that he's the perfect candidate.
All of these pros and cons are being weighted by all of us. My MIL and FIL are torn because they will have two of their children on the line and they prefer not to give they opinion. I totally understand them. My BIL who is receiving the kidney is also not giving his opinion, for obvious reasons.
Personally, I would prefer if my husband wouldn't be the donor, for selfish reasons. This transplant will probably take place before this child is born or immediately after. The donor will have to be in recovery for a month, which means not working, not doing heavy tasks, etc. And I will need his help with R and the new baby.
And to be totally honest, I am absolutely terrified that something might happen to him. I am not even admitting that possibility to myself most of the time but the fact is I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to him.
He asked me just the other day if I was ok with him being the donor. And I said yes, of course.
posted by Ana @ 11:53 AM
6 Comments:
At 1:36 PM,
Martha said…
Wow.. what an incredibly hard double edge sword. I am not sure there is a "right" answer here. I think your family all needs to come together and discuss all of the fears (including yours). Then together as a family pray. Ask God for guidance and he will show you the way. He will help make the choice. Ana, the thought of loosing your husband is terrifying I agree but I think you need to voice that! Hugs girl!
At 1:53 PM,
Tiffany said…
(((Ana))), what an incredibly tough and heart wrenching situation for you to be in. I am so, so sorry. Your feelings are totally normal and I hope you are talking to dh about them, you need to work through them and I think he is a great person to talk to about it. I understand your selfish reasons, I would feel the same way, completely. My prayers are with the entire family as they make this most difficult decision.
At 2:35 PM,
Ana said…
I don't think there is an actual danger of him dying. No more than on any other general-anesthesia surgery. I do share my fears with him but since there isn't really a good reason for me to be afraid he is still convinvced it should be him.
Thanks for you words girls, and for your prayers, it means alot!
At 12:19 AM,
Modokker said…
Wow Ana,
I think you should sit down with your husband and tell him your fears and maybe he has some too. I hope everything will work out for the best.
HUgs
Lisa
At 10:32 AM,
Lioness said…
Fala c ele. bj grande.
At 10:32 AM,
Lioness said…
Fala c ele. Bj grande.
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