Breathing again.

AAA
We got to hospital at 11.30 am. This is the same hospital were I had both my D&Cs, were I had the weekly and then monthly blood draws and were I went for follow-up appointments every month for over a year. I hate this hospital. Every time I go in there my heart feels heavy and I have this cold shiver down my spine. Today wasn't any different. I was terrified as we went in and I remembered, once again, the horrible hours I spent in that waiting room, the nightmare that seemed like it would never end.

We waited almost 2 hours in that same, dreaded, waiting room. These were the longest two hours of my life. My husband reads the newspaper as if he was in the park. I'm amazed at how calm he always is and how sure he seems to be that everything is going to be fine. Finally, at 1.15, the doctor calls us in.

He started by using the abdominal probe. While I was still trying to figure out the black and white mess on the screen he says "Yes, you are pregnant, and it is in the uterus. And there is no sign of the mole". That was the first time I breathed since we went in the room. He then said he would like to use the transvaginal probe to get a better look. Well, by all means, go ahead!

So we saw a yolk sac, and a tiny little white thing inside, which will become my baby. It was too soon to see a heartbeat. We are coming back in two weeks to see it.

I know I am not out of the woods yet, far from it. But I got to see my baby, and there wasn't a mole waiting to become a cancer and threatening me of never having children again. I saw my baby.