Inferiority Complex

aaa
This was not a good weekend. Friday night we got a message from a friend telling us she was pregnant again. She has a 1 year-old girl and apparently wasn't even trying for another one (of course not, if she were trying she wouldn't be pregnant would she?). What really pissed me off was that another friend told me she was kinda upset because she wanted to wait another 2 or 3 month.!

Then on Saturday we had a big party, 150 people, it was quite the event. I was actually looking forward to it. R was gonna spend the night at my parents and we were going to have a nice night out with our friends. But of course, for some reason every woman I knew in the damn party was pregnant. Ok, I'm exaggerating, there was one who wasn't pregnant because she just had a baby. I kid you not!

And to add insult to injury I spent the entire weekend with horrible nausea. I thought I had caught R's bug and would start vomiting and having diarrhea soon but thankfully it has been just the nausea so far.

So on Sunday morning I just lost it and laid in bed crying like a baby the whole morning. Zé Maria asked me why I always get so depressed when we go out with our friends when, in his opinion, it should cheer me up and make me feel better. My answer: because I feel inferior to them. I know it sounds bad, and ridiculous, but that is that. I feel inferior.

You see, most of my friends either stay at home (which is great, and I do respect that decision) or have jobs they don't care very much about. I have a job I love and, lets be honest, I make more money than most of their husbands do. But the problem is, we don't talk about work, we don't even acknowledge the advantages of having a career. We don't even talk about traveling, another one of my favorite things and something we do quite often.
No, all we ever talk about is pregnancy, birth, children, illnesses. And in that area... well, lets just say the fertility rate among my group of friends is above average. Most of them already have 1 children younger than R, some already have 2 and one is pregnant with #3 (yes, all of them younger than R, you read it right). So in this area I am ... behind, I guess. So to be brutally honest, I do feel better when I don't see my friends for awhile, at least for now. I know I have to fight this feeling. Zé Maria needs to go out with his friends, R needs to go to the park with other kids and I need to be able to enjoy the company of my friends. If only I would get pregnant already.

PS: R is much better now and she went to school this morning. She was so excited about it it was funny. She really hates being at home all day with the nanny.