Things you shoud NOT say

Tertia made a list of things you should not say to a person who has had a miscarriage. Now I want to ad something you should not say to someone who is about to miscarry.

Yesterday I was talking to my sister, who is the only person I have told about this pregnancy. I know I said I wouldn't tell anyone but she doesn't count, she's my twin sister, she's part of me. Anyway, I was telling her how scared I am about this spotting. She kept telling me if it doesn't work out this time it will work out the next time and I know you will eventually have a baby, you have one already you can have another, blah, blah, blah.

My sister is one step short of being a lawyer. She will have her final bar exam, an oral exam, in about a month. She is absolutely terrified of this exam and is losing sleep over it already. So I told her what she was telling me was about the same as if I would tell her I am sure she will pass the bar exam eventually, if not this time then the next one for sure. She knows this is probably true but that doesn't make her feel any better about the possibility of failing this one.

You see, I know I will (probably) have a baby one day. Having had one without medical intervention I know its possible and I know I am in a better position than those who never had one (believe me, I have had this argument one too many times). But that does not make me feel any better about losing this one. I want this one, this child.

You know what she told me? If I fail this test it will have real consequences in my life. I will have to wait 3 more months to take another one and if I fail that one I will have to repeat the entire process and will only be a lawyer in 2 years. Losing this baby will not have real consequences in your life. You will have another one sometime soon.

WTF??? I was speachless so I just hung up.

I love my sister (honey, if you're reading this, you know I do) really. But she says the most extraordinary things to me sometimes. She went off birth control last month so I'm sure she will understand what she said pretty soon. Probably not soon enough that she will remember to apologize but that's ok, I know she loves me too.