Because I must

People keep asking me why I would wait to tell everyone I'm pregnant. They ask because I have warned them not to ask me if I "have news" cause I will not tell them the "news" until I have at least seen the heartbeat.

Why do you want to wait? They ask. Will it hurt any less if you miscarry and no one knows? They ask. Will you not tell us you have miscarried anyway? They ask.

When I got pregnant the second time, after I had had an uneventful and sucessful pregnancy, I told everyone the day after I took the HPT, just like I had when I got pregnant the first time. With R, the doctor didn't even ask me for a blood test to confirm the pregnancy, I had my first ultrasound at 9 weeks and everything went smoothly. So why would I keep the good news from people this time?
Not only did I tell everyone, I also took my maternity clothes from the boxes, ironed them and put everything back in my closet. I even had the boxes with R's newborn clothes ready to be opened next.
Then I went shopping for maternity clothes with a friend, because I was due in September and had had R in December so I would need more summer clothes this time.
I even told my boss and started talking about maternity leave.

5 weeks later I miscarried. And I had to put all the clothes back in the boxes, some of them I never got to use. And I had to tell everyone I wasn't gonna have a baby afterall. I had to listen to never-ending stories about how so and so had gone through the same, how normal it is, how it's nature's way of correcting a mistake (this one is just lovely).
A few months later some people were still asking me when I was due and telling me how I wasn't showing at all. And to this day some people still ask me if I have one or two children.

I'm sorry if I'm hurting anyone's feeling but this time I'll wait, I have to, I just can't go through it again. Oh, and yes, it will hurt less if I miscarry and total strangers don't ask me how I'm feeling.