Daddy
This weekend we had a birthday party. My BF's daugther, who also happens to be my god-daughter, turned one and they threw a big party at her house. My daughter had a great time and I got the chance to be with some friends I hadn't seen in awhile.
One of the people who were there was a good friend who has a toddler 3 weeks younger than my daughter. She also has a 4 month old baby. We were so happy when we got pg at the same time with our first and had a great time spending our maternity leave together. Then we were even more excited to be pg at the same time again... and then I lost the baby.
This friend is one of those persons who really understands and after the misscariage her pregnancy was never discussed between us unless I brought it up, she never complained about her nausea, about being pg and having a toddler, and she never complained about how much more difficult is is with two now (yes, somehow some of my friends are under the impression that these comments help me in some way).
Anyway... she was there with her two kids and while we were trying to entertain our toddlers my husband offered to hold the baby for her. He held the baby the entire time we were there, despite the frequent offers from my friend and her husband to take over.
My husband is a special person... maybe it's because he has 8 siblings, 6 of which younger than him, or maybe that is just the way God made him. He is a baby person, he dreams of having tones of kids and he is a far better parent than I am. My daughter loves him to pieces. He tries to be strong for me but losing the baby was as hard for him as it was for me and as I watched him holding the baby through the corner of my eye I had a hard time holding back the tears... I feel like I failed him...
My friend emailed me this morning saying she felt I was sad and stressed and asking me if I needed anything. I do, I need to tell my husband he is gonna be a daddy again.
One of the people who were there was a good friend who has a toddler 3 weeks younger than my daughter. She also has a 4 month old baby. We were so happy when we got pg at the same time with our first and had a great time spending our maternity leave together. Then we were even more excited to be pg at the same time again... and then I lost the baby.
This friend is one of those persons who really understands and after the misscariage her pregnancy was never discussed between us unless I brought it up, she never complained about her nausea, about being pg and having a toddler, and she never complained about how much more difficult is is with two now (yes, somehow some of my friends are under the impression that these comments help me in some way).
Anyway... she was there with her two kids and while we were trying to entertain our toddlers my husband offered to hold the baby for her. He held the baby the entire time we were there, despite the frequent offers from my friend and her husband to take over.
My husband is a special person... maybe it's because he has 8 siblings, 6 of which younger than him, or maybe that is just the way God made him. He is a baby person, he dreams of having tones of kids and he is a far better parent than I am. My daughter loves him to pieces. He tries to be strong for me but losing the baby was as hard for him as it was for me and as I watched him holding the baby through the corner of my eye I had a hard time holding back the tears... I feel like I failed him...
My friend emailed me this morning saying she felt I was sad and stressed and asking me if I needed anything. I do, I need to tell my husband he is gonna be a daddy again.
posted by Ana @ 6:09 PM
10 Comments:
At 10:47 PM,
Lioness said…
Dahling Ana. You seem lovely. Your family seems lovely. You had the worst luck. How is that your fault? How have you failed him? I take it you are both Catholics. I seem to remember the vows ;). He seems to take them seriously. YOU did NOT fail HIM, LIFE failed YOU. You BOTH. Be sad, be angry, be disgusted. But remain kind to yourself throughout.
I can't tell you it will all be alright bcs I can't know that. But "im hirzeh hashem" (God willing), you will soon be dealt a far better hand. And I'll be here to celebrate with you. Until then, I'll be here as well, para o que der e vier. Through this ethery thick and thin. Because it often is easier w strangers, even as they slowly stop being so.
Beijo enorme e um abraço apertado.
At 1:55 PM,
Ana said…
Lioness, thank you so much. You are right, I mustn't blame myself for what happened, and I don't really... it's just these moments when it all comes back to me.
Thanks for the suport, it means alot.
At 2:14 PM,
Ana said…
It is looking good isn't it?! Not much longer until my test date now!
At 2:29 PM,
Ana said…
Probably on wednesday, if I can wait that long!
At 3:45 PM,
Lioness said…
Do you miss school? I'm sort of hoping you do bcs I'd like to suggest some homework - for my benefit *she says in small voice*.
Could you explain what you're going to test for, if it's not private? It sounds like it may be the big P/G but I'm out of my depth here. And - and I'm not sure how much of this constitutes prying so if it does my apologies in advance, I'm v interested in all things medical and I'd never heard of molar pregnancies. So if any of this feels uncomfortable please forgive me and kick my butt accordingly. This was the other question, why are you trying again after only 8 months when they recommend a year? I mean, I take it the Dr. is advising you to do it so what interests me is what abt your condition allows that. Was it the type of MP you had? Again, as minhas mais abjectas desculpas if this is going too far, I absolutely do not mean to intrude!
Congrats on all the green lights!
At 10:00 AM,
Ana said…
Yes, I am testing for the big P/G, if my period doesn't show up within 13 days after my ovulation.
As for the molar pregnancy, I don't know how much you have read about it but there are complete moles and partial moles. Mine was a partial mole, which means there was actually a fetus but it had 3 cromossomal sets instead of 2 (some doctors think that 2 sperms fertilize the same egg and this is what happens). In a complete mole there are only 2 cromossomal sets but both are from the father, which might indicate that 2 sperms fertilized an "empty" egg. In this case there is no fetus, only trophoblastic tissue. Is this making any sense so far?
I have done alot of research and all the US and UK studies indicate that in the case of a partial mole with spontaneous remission (no need for chemo) the recommended waiting time before a new pg is 6 mths after the first negative HCG count. I had my first negative HCG count 8 mths ago. My doc. is more confortable with me waiting a whole year (from the D&C, not the first negative HCG), which would mean January. Zé Maria and I discussed this alot and decided now was the time to start trying.
OK, that was definitly more then you wanted to know. Sorry, I tend to get carried away when talking about this.
At 3:04 PM,
Lioness said…
Thats was EXACTLY what I wanted to know, I told you, I'd be a med hag if there were such a thing - come to think of it, I AM! Thank you for taking the time to explain, I'd read the site you link to and was curious to its application to real people. You in this case. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, I really really am! (And I promise nto try and never spew asshat remarks) I'll give that candle tomorrow an extra shake (I light this extra Shabbat candle for the BBB)(sorry I seemed to have called you a bitch but you know what I mean)(at least I HOPE you do!)(I'll shut up now!)
At 4:07 PM,
Ana said…
That is nice of you to light a candle for the BBB. I don't mind you calling me a bitch, it's the barren part that kinda upsets me (just kidding).
BTW, I love your gastronomical posts.
At 5:31 PM,
Lioness said…
You gave me a bloody fright bfr I reached the brackets! You mad woman, you can also tell me that OVER THERE! Everyone's deserted me, it seems. Oh the "calimerice" of it!
At 5:47 PM,
Lioness said…
(Talk abt blog hog...) Disregard previous calimerice, I have seen your comment.
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